Rebuild
by daydreamer4
Summary: CJ, Josh, Toby, Leo, Sam and the President deal with their changing lives with some help from each other. COMPLETE.
1. CJ and Josh

_Author's Note: I've been feeling nostalgic with my early seasons on DVD. This is what comes of it. I do not own the characters, nor premise of The West Wing. Reviews are encouraged and appreciated.

* * *

_

The doorbell ringing so early in the morning startled her. It seemed as though CJ had only just turned in for the evening. The previous night she had been at the White House late watching the results come in and it had come down to the wire. She ended up sleeping in her office that night and this was the first time she'd been home in two days since the election. Santos had won the popular vote, but, like others before him, had lost the election in the Electoral College. There would be a recount for sure, but in the meantime it looked like there would be a Republican in the White House for the next four years.

CJ made her way to the front door and a feeling of momentary panic washed over. President Bartlet hadn't been feeling well lately and she always had a sick feeling in her stomach when she had a late night visitor or phone call.

She opened the door to find Josh standing on her doorstep, his eyes bleary and defeated.

"Josh?" CJ asked surprised.

"Hey CJ," Josh said casually.

"What are you doing here? It's four in the morning," she said pulling her robe around her.

"I, uh, I," Josh began to stammer. The cold early morning air hit CJ and she ushered Josh into the house while he struggled to complete his sentence. "I needed to see a friendly face."

CJ shut the door and locked it behind her as she put her hand on Josh's back and pushed him toward the living room. She led him over to the couch and sat him down.

"Shouldn't you be in Texas with Santos?" CJ asked.

"Yes," Josh sighed. "I should be in Texas with Santos discussing election results and pushing for a recount but the man is so stubborn that he won't listen to reason. He's over it. I gave up the last two years of my life pushing for his election and he's…he's just so damn stubborn."

Josh lowered his head into his hands and rubbed his eyes briskly. "I'm sorry," he said. "It's early. I don't know why I came here."

"You needed a friendly face," CJ reminded him. There had always been an unspoken bond between Josh and CJ. They understood each on a level that no one really saw. Aside from Stanley there weren't many people who Josh would lay bare his soul, but CJ was one of them. "So you hopped a plane to Washington D.C. in the middle of the night?"

"Yeah," he replied.

"Wasn't Donna in Texas?"

"Yeah she was in Texas but I couldn't," Josh said shaking his head.

"It's okay," CJ said rubbing his back gently.

"No, it's not okay," Josh disagreed. "I failed. I failed that man. I failed his family. I failed the party and everyone I know."

"You didn't fail him," CJ said. "You gave him your life Josh. You worked your ass off for that man and he should be grateful for that."

"He didn't want to run," Josh replied. "I talked him into it. He was content to leave politics behind and I made him an also-ran."

"This isn't your fault," CJ said.

"Then whose is it? I can't blame anyone but myself," Josh said clearly distraught. CJ was unsure why he'd decided to board a plane and see her, but here he was. She knew that she had to let him talk. He didn't want to hear about how everything would work out. He wanted to wallow and vent and try to figure out where everything went wrong.

"It's because I abandoned him," Josh said suddenly.

"Who did you abandon? Santos?" CJ asked.

"Bartlet," Josh said simply as he stood up.

"Josh," CJ said trying to stop him.

"No, it's true CJ," Josh said starting to pace. "I had the best job in the world and it wasn't good enough. I knew I was on a sinking ship and I ran. It's like Joanie all over again. I ran to save myself and to hell with everyone else. I didn't want to be involved in a fading presidency."

"Joshua this not like Joanie," CJ replied standing and looking him in the eye. "You left the White House because you found the candidate you believed in. The White House changed. We all changed. You didn't run, you moved on to bigger things."

"You didn't," Josh said softly. "Sam, me, Toby…we all jumped ship. Even Leo left. I got him to run for Vice President, but you stayed."

"I stayed because I had nothing bigger and better to do Josh," CJ insisted. "You and Sam had elections to run. Toby was his own undoing and Leo left because he couldn't do it anymore."

"But you're still there," Josh replied. "You didn't leave when the going got tough. You didn't seek other opportunities. Do you believe in him that much?"

"I'm there until the end," CJ replied. "I couldn't have left him if I'd wanted to."

"But I could," Josh said. "And now I'm paying the price."

CJ sighed. She didn't know what he wanted from her. He clearly didn't want to listen to what she had to say and she couldn't will herself to stay silent on the subject.

"Wallowing doesn't look good on you Josh," she said finally crossing her arms over her chest.

"Excuse me?" he asked shocked.

"You left the White House and you backed a guy you believed in. You can't undo the past. You did your best and you lost. Working in the White House you must have realized that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. In fact we lost a hell of a lot more than we won. You know deep down inside that leaving the President had no bearing on this race. You had an opportunity and you took it. The question is what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know," Josh replied stymied. CJ's tone had him baffled. He had come to her for support and sympathy and she was yelling at him.

"Yeah well neither do I," CJ continued. "The President has about a month left in office and I don't have a clue what I'm going to do. None of us do, but we figure it out. You'll figure it out too."

Josh looked at her and admired the fire in her eyes at the ungodly hour of four-thirty. Maybe he didn't come to her for sympathy. Maybe he came to her for this exact reason. He needed a kick in the ass and she gave it to him but good.

"I guess I will," he said lamely.

"I know you will. I know you Josh Lyman and you don't let things defeat you. I don't know why you've suddenly forgotten that, but it's the truth."

"I know," he said softly.

"When's your flight?" CJ asked.

"My flight?" he said puzzled.

"Back to Texas," she informed him. "Even though it might be over you've still got loose ends to tie up."

"Yeah," Josh nodded. "Tomorrow afternoon was the earliest flight I could get."

"Okay," CJ replied seemingly calm once again.

Josh ran his hands through his hair and he took a seat on CJ's couch once again. She saw his slumped posture and the coldness in his eyes and felt compelled to wrap her arms around him and take the pain away.

"Why did you come here Josh?" she asked him again.

"I needed a friendly face," he replied not looking her in the eyes.

"There were no friendly faces in Texas?" CJ asked. She was still puzzled as to why Josh had come to her. Sam was his best friend. Leo and Donna were in Texas along with a handful of friends he'd made along the campaign trail.

"Not at the moment," Josh said. "I destroyed their lives."

"They knew the risks going in," CJ reminded him. "Politics is not a business of guarantees. They knew what could happen."

"I suppose," he said.

It was clear that he didn't want to talk about it anymore and CJ let it go. They sat in silence for a moment and CJ looked around the room awkwardly unsure of where to go from here.

"I'm sorry I woke you up," Josh said looking over at her.

"It's okay," CJ replied. "The alarm will be going off shortly anyway."

"Still going to the gym at five in the morning?"

"I've been trying to," CJ said. "Lately I haven't gotten there as many times as I've hoped."

"You're never gonna meet anyone there," Josh said bringing up CJ's penchant for looking for a man at the gym.

"Thanks for the optimism," she replied good-naturedly.

"I'm just saying that you're never going to find someone there that's good enough for you."

"It's not like it matters much lately anyway," CJ said. "I haven't had time to think about going on a date let alone actually make any concrete plans."

"How's he doing?" Josh asked.

CJ knew that he was referring to President Bartlet and she replied, "He has good days and bad days. The stress has been really bad for him, but lately he's been a lot better."

"That's good," Josh said.

"Yeah," CJ nodded.

"I don't want to keep you from anything," he said suddenly.

"Josh it's almost five in the morning, what are you keeping me from, beside sleep that is?"

She smiled at him and it let him know that he was forgiving for barging into her house at such an early hour. Suddenly Josh had forgotten how much he'd missed CJ. He'd forgotten how much he'd missed the old days. Sure, they weren't the political gods that they had set out to be, but those were the days. Sam and Toby bickering about the next speech, CJ putting out media fires, Donna scurrying around the bullpen gathering information for Josh to go kick some Congressman's ass over a vote. Those were the days that he remembered so fondly. He had hoped to recapture them with Santos, but now those were just dreams unfulfilled.

The two friends sat in comfortable silence until CJ stood up to toast Josh a bagel. It was just about the only thing she could cook without burning her apartment down. She was still unclear why Josh chose to see her, but she was happy that he had. She missed him more than she realized. It was nice for the two of them to catch up, even if it was only for a few hours before CJ had to leave to get work.

Josh told her all about the campaign and where he felt they lost the election. CJ told Josh about how Danny was back in town and the two of them had resumed their cat and mouse relationship. Josh seemed happy for her until CJ pressed for more information about Donna and how things had gone between them on the campaign. CJ knew she was the only one who could verbalize her thoughts on the relationship, or lack of relationship between Donna and Josh. Before they knew it CJ had to get ready to go to work.

"Are you gonna be okay here?" CJ asked throwing her coat on an grabbing her briefcase.

"I'll be fine," Josh nodded. "Although I'm surprised you're leaving me here unattended with your underwear drawer so close," he said with that trademark mischievous grin.

"Just remember the good stuff is in the back," CJ teased him. "I'm glad you came to see me Josh."

"I'm glad I came to," he replied.

They shared a friendly smiled and CJ turned to walk out the door.

"You know I was trying to relive it with Santos," Josh said seemingly ready to talk. "I was trying to put together a team like we had with Bartlet."

"That was lighting in a bottle," CJ said quietly.

"Yeah it sure was," Josh agreed. "You think we'll ever have that again?"

"I hope we do."

"It's probably like your first love," Josh said. "You can never recapture it. It's always there in your memory as the best of times even if it wasn't. It was new and beautiful and precious."

"I like that," CJ said.

"Yeah, me too," Josh sighed.

"Have a safe trip back to Texas," CJ said.

"Thanks, I will," he replied. He watched her walk passed the window and off to work feeling that he'd made the right decision by coming to see Claudia Jean.

TBC


	2. Toby and Leo

Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews. More are always appreciated:)

* * *

Toby sat in his study behind his desk only vaguely aware of the din that television in the background. It would be weeks before the press stopped talking about the election and how it would go down in history. Toby sat at his desk typing. He never thought he'd write his memoirs at such an early age, but in the wake of the leak and the election he wanted to capture every feeling accurately and there was no better than time than the present. It's not as if he had much to do at the moment anyway, just sit and wait for his day of judgment, figuratively, as well as legally. In a few weeks he figured his name would be a footnote in Bartlet's administration and although Santos lost the election, the close race was fortuitous for Toby.

He sat typing and became vaguely aware of a knock on his door. No one had bothered Toby for weeks. It was as if he was quarantined with some form of plague and no one wanted to be associated with him. He sighed as he pushed his chair back and walked toward the door.

"Hey Toby," Leo said when he opened the door.

"Leo?" Toby said incredulous.

"I'm back in town and I thought I'd stop by," Leo said.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

After a moment Toby clicked his tongue to the roof of his mouth and opened the door wider. "Come in."

"Thanks," Leo replied breaching the doorway. He walked into the foyer and looked around. Nothing had much changed since the last time Leo visited Toby at home, which must have been years ago.

"I'm sorry about the election," Toby said as he shut the door behind him.

"I don't know that you really are, but thanks," Leo replied.

Leo and Toby had always understood each other, but they also had a contentious relationship, much like Toby and the president. Josh, Sam and CJ were always somewhat afraid of Leo. They were afraid of letting him down or pissing him off, but not Toby.

"It was a tough loss," Toby said leading Leo into the living room.

"You win some, you lose some," Leo shrugged.

"How's Josh?" Toby asked inquiring about his old friend.

"Taking it hard," Leo admitted. "He disappeared a few nights after the election for a while. I don't know where he went, but he seemed a little better when he came back to wrap things up."

"Can I get you anything to drink?" Toby asked. "I think I've got some coffee."

"No, I'm okay," Leo said.

The two men stood in silence for a moment. Toby's mind whirled trying to come up with a reason for Leo's visit. It wasn't as if the two were ever that close personally, especially as of late. Toby had burned almost all the bridges he had with the leak and he didn't think that Leo came by to see how he was doing.

"So you're probably wondering why I'm here," Leo said as he sat down.

"Kind of," Toby admitted sitting across from Leo.

"I honestly don't know," Leo admitted.

"You don't know?" Toby asked.

"Not really," Leo said. "I was in town again and Mallory's out of town, the president is busy wrapping up his last days in office. I have thing in a little while and I had some time to kill."

"So you came to see me?"

"Yeah."

"I know you were busy running for office, but in case you forgot, I'm pretty much a pariah in this town. Can you afford to spend time with me? It could be damaging to your reputation."

"Drop the self-pity Toby," Leo admonished him. "Who the hell am I? I had a pretty nice career in politics once and now I've probably been reduced to a question on Jeopardy. I think I can be seen with you."

Toby was silent for a moment before he responded. "I wouldn't say I'm indulging in self pity."

"No, you've just been holed up here for weeks not returning phone calls and feeling sorry for yourself."

"How would you know about unreturned phone calls," Toby replied angrily. "No one was here when I needed them Leo. I was banished from the White House. I couldn't even talk to CJ about why I did what I did without getting her subpoenaed."

"Not talking to anyone before you left was just about the only smart thing you did Toby," Leo snapped back at him.

"Remind me why you're here again?" Toby asked angrily.

Leo took a breath and looked at him for a moment. "I missed this," he said simply.

"This? Are you kidding?"

"No," Leo shook his head. "These last few years have been a blur. I was sitting in my hotel room after we lost and I tried to think about the last time I was happy."

"Happy is an illusion," Toby groused.

"It might be," Leo said. "You remember when we got Mendoza confirmed?"

"Yeah," Toby replied.

"I haven't felt like that in a long time," Leo said.

"Well it was a long time ago," Toby said still fuming, but allowing himself to calm down a bit.

"Yeah, it was," Leo said. "I guess I was just trying to reconnect with that feeling."

"And you thought about me?" Toby asked surprised.

"I was thinking about that day. It was your day of jubilee. You and Sam deserved that victory."

"Well we worked for it even though Mendoza never gave us much to work with."

"You ever talk to Sam?"

"No," Toby said.

"Never?"

"He's in California governing Leo," Toby said. "Josh has probably heard from him."

"Yeah probably," Leo agreed.

"How are things with you and Josh?" Toby treaded lightly.

"It's fine," Leo said.

"Fine?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"You don't believe me?"

"I believe you."

"You should."

"I said okay," Toby whined.

"Have you given any thought to what you're going to do now?" Leo asked.

"Columbia offered me a job," Toby said.

"Are you going to take it?"

"I told them I'd be there next month," Toby said. "Contingent upon not going to jail of course, but that's a matter for another day."

"Wow," Leo said surprised. "I guess I just assumed you'd be in politics for life."

"When you leak government secrets the list of people offering jobs diminishes," Toby pointed out.

"Columbia, huh?"

"Yeah, what about you? What are your big plans?" Toby asked.

"I honestly haven't a clue," Leo replied.

"You'll figure it out," Toby said.

"Yeah," Leo said shifting in his seat. He suddenly stood up and smoothed out his coat. "I should go."

"You're going?"

"Yeah," Leo nodded. "I've got a thing."

"Okay," Toby said standing up and following Leo to the door.

"It was good to see you," Leo said extending his hand.

"You too," Toby replied shaking his hand. It was odd. There was once a level of familiarity there and now it seemed formal and cold.

"If I don't see you good luck at Columbia," Leo said.

"Thanks."

The men walked to the door and Leo opened it to leave.

"Hey Leo," Toby said.

"Yeah?"

"I really am sorry about the election," Toby said sincerely.

"Thanks," Leo said. "It was probably for the best anyway. One massive heart attack is enough for a lifetime."

"Yeah," Toby sighed. "I let him down you know."

Leo knew that in typical Toby fashion the topic had changed from the election to the leak. He further knew that to make a big deal out of it would only cause Toby to retreat.

"I know," Leo replied simply.

"I just couldn't do it anymore," Toby said.

"Do what?"

"Turn a blind eye," Toby said. "We never had to sacrifice our beliefs so much when we started. I was losing pieces of myself."

"No one ever said it was going to be easy," Leo nodded.

"No one ever said it would be so hard," Toby countered.

"No, they sure didn't," Leo agreed.

"I don't know how CJ does it," Toby said. "She's been there for eight years being forced to make one difficult decision after another."

"Yeah but the victories sure felt good," Leo said.

"That they did," Toby agreed.

"Look, I gotta go," Leo said. "It was good to see you Toby. You should call CJ sometime after she's free of the White House. I bet she'd like to hear from you."

"Have you and CJ met?" Toby asked in his old wry tone.

"Yeah as a matter of fact I have," Leo said through a smirk. "Call her."

"Maybe," Toby said. "I'll see you around Leo."

"Yeah," Leo replied as he exited the house and walked down the steps.

Toby watched him walk away and he felt a sense of calm and exhilaration that he hadn't felt in years. It was hard to pinpoint the feeling. On one hand Leo had a way of pushing his buttons and making him crazy. But, on the other hand, Leo had a way of making him feel better about everything. It was an odd combination of fury and Zen, which is what Toby thrived on. He closed the door and walked back into the study determined to finish a chapter entitled Leo McGarry.

TBC


	3. The Hat

_Author's note: I still don't own the characters or the show. Reviews are appreciated and encouraged._

* * *

A week before the end of President Bartlet's last day in office CJ received a package. 

"Margaret," she yelled through the open door between their desks. "What is this?"

"It came from Sam," Margaret said. "He wanted you to call him when you opened it."

"Sam Seaborn?"

"Yes," Margaret affirmed.

"Would you get him on the phone for me?" CJ asked.

"Sure," Margaret said not moving.

"Could you do that now?" CJ asked when she realized Margaret hadn't moved.

"I was sort of wondering what was in the box," Margaret said.

"I'm sort of wondering that myself," CJ said.

"I was really light and it didn't seem fragile," Margaret pointed out.

"It didn't seem fragile?"

"When I shook it, it didn't seem fragile."

"You shook it?"

"Well I was curious," Margaret replied.

"So you shook a potentially fragile package addressed to me because_ you_ wanted to know what was in it?" CJ asked.

"Well when you put it that way it seems kind of worse than what it actually was," Margaret started to explain.

"Margaret," CJ cut her off. "Just get Sam on the phone."

"Right," Margaret said leaving the office quickly.

CJ removed a letter opener from her desk drawer and started to slice the tape that kept the box shut. She opened the box flaps and found a tattered Notre Dame cap lying there. She let a large grin cross her lips and Margaret yelled, "Sam is on line one."

"Sam Seaborn as I live and breath," CJ said. "I get the cap?"

"You get the cap," Sam replied with a smile on his face and in his tone.

"If only it didn't have that stupid leprechaun on it," CJ joked.

"I thought of sending you a Berkeley cap, but it wouldn't have been the same," Same replied.

"No it certainly wouldn't," CJ grinned. "You know, when we all decided that this was the trophy all those years ago it seemed kind of stupid, but now…"

"It seems fitting," Sam finished for her.

"Yeah it really does," CJ replied running her free hand over the bill of the battered hat.

It was years ago that the team assembled during the Bartlet for America campaign. In those days the president's obsession with Notre Dame was far greater than it was today. On weekend trips he wore his Norte Dame hat for luck. The Notre Dame hat had become an inside joke among senior staff due to its torn and tattered nature. Josh jokingly told CJ to never let Bartlet be photographed in the atrocity and everyone agreed, although they never told the president. He was never aware of the staff's distain for the article and continued to happily wear the cap in moments of casual dress.

After one tedious road trip through Iowa the president, then governor of New Hampshire, assembled the senior staff and thanked them for all their hard work. He singled out Toby for special recognition for having not one, but two speeches he'd written during the campaign, featured on a special addition of Capital Beat. As a token of his appreciation he presented Toby with a special gift.

"Now I know you've all been talking about a certain article of clothing that I have," Jed told them. "I know you've all admired it from afar, but as a token of my appreciation to Toby for his excellent work this week, I want to give him my Norte Dame hat. This hat, which has been my lucky hat, for almost a decade, is now going to bestow its fortitude upon Toby Ziegler."

Jed happily presented Toby with the hat as the rest of them tried to stifle their laughter.

"Oh sir, you really don't have to," Toby said in his trademark horrified tone.

"No, no Toby, I insist," Jed said forcing it into his hand. "Go on, put it on. I'm sure the rest of the group would like to see it."

"Do I have to sir?" Toby asked.

"I, for one, would love to see it," Sam spoke up between gasps for air.

"Oh me too," Josh said grinning from ear to ear.

CJ could remember how unhappy and irritated Toby looked as he slipped the ancient hat onto his head. She burst out laughing uncontrollably even as he shot her looks of death from across the room.

"CJ what is so funny?" Jed asked.

"Nothing sir," she gasped.

Soon Josh, Sam and Leo erupted into the same fit of laughter and it was up to Leo to inform Jed of why the situation was so funny. It was years ago, but the memory was still fresh in CJ's mind, and obviously Sam's as well.

After Toby's original initiation to the hat the staff took it upon themselves to give each other hat when they thought they had accomplished something extraordinary. Toby passed the hat to Josh after he convinced Hoynes to become the Vice Presidential candidate. Josh passed it on to Sam after the inaugural speech and so on and so on. What had started as a joke had become an award between friends. Sam was the last one to receive the hat when he went to California to run in the election. Everyone had forgotten about it until now.

"So why me?" CJ asked. "What have I done to deserve the hat?"

"You made it to the end," Sam said simply.

"Yeah," CJ replied with a hint of sadness in her voice. "I guess I did."

"And you've done a hell of a job," Sam said. "Josh and I talked about it and it only seemed right that end up with the hat."

"Thanks," CJ said touched. "So you've spoken to Josh?"

"He's actually out here with me right now," Sam said.

"Well he certainly is the Happy Wanderer," CJ commented. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah," Sam said. "He's better than he was. I don't know what you said to him, but whatever it was it helped."

"Good," CJ said tossing the hat aside on her desk. "And how are you doing? It's been ages since we talked."

"I'm great," Sam said. "I've been asked to run for governor."

"Of California?"

"No, of Manitoba. My mom was half Canadian," Sam deadpanned.

"You're not funny," CJ remarked.

"I happen to think I'm fairly witty," Sam replied.

"You would," CJ said. "But seriously that is wonderful news Sam. I've been so busy that I've been out of the DNC loop."

"Thanks," Sam replied. "Josh is already telling me what I have to do to win and he's only been here two days."

"Well listen to him," CJ said. "He knows what he's doing. Don't tell him I said that though."

"Your secret is safe with me," Sam replied. "So what are you up to next? Are you coming back to California?"

"I'm not really sure," CJ replied. "It's going to sound sad, but I've almost gotten used to the snow. I don't think I can imagine winter without it."

"You've become an East Coast girl again Claudia Jean," Sam teased her.

"I supposed I have," she smiled. "I'll send you a picture of me wearing the hat."

"And nothing else?" Sam asked mischievously.

"You're a sick man Spanky," she replied. "Governors can't think like that."

"Well they can, they just have to be sure they trust who they're talking to," Sam countered.

"Point taken. Thanks for the hat," CJ said happily.

"You're welcome," Sam said. "Don't try to wash it though. I think there might be one thread holding the whole thing together."

"Got it," CJ said. "Take care of yourself and Josh."

"I will," Sam promised. "I'll talk to you soon CJ."

"I hope so," CJ replied feeling nostalgic once again. "Bye."

"Bye," he replied.

CJ hung up the phone as the president walked into her office. "CJ I was looking over the language on the education bill and I don't like what I'm seeing in this paragraph," Jed said without looking up.

CJ quickly stood and walked toward the president. "Which paragraph sir?"

"The third one," he replied. "I thought Will talked to Meadows about that already?"

"He did sir," CJ said taking the page from the president and scanning it. Jed noticed that CJ had already packed up a good portion of her office and he scanned her desk, his eye resting on his old hat.

"Is that my old hat?" Jed said lifting the hat up off the desk to examine it.

"Yes, it is sir," CJ replied. "Sam sent it to me."

"You won?" Jed asked.

"Won sir?" CJ repeated.

"Come on, Leo told me all about it. This hat has been changing hands between you guys for a while now. What did you do to win it?"

"I'm still here sir," CJ replied feeling sad as she said it.

"Oh," Jed replied nodding. "I see. My lucky hat is now the equivalent of combat pay."

He said it jokingly, but there was a tone in his voice that made CJ wonder if he meant it. She knew he wanted to be so much more than he was in his second term. She knew he would wear the regret like a battle wound for the rest of his life as much as he would never admit it.

"Not at all Mr. President," CJ replied. "In case you've forgotten I'm not here for the money."

"No, you're certainly not," Jed replied with a smirk. "How much did you make in California?"

"Five-hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year sir."

"Yes," Jed nodded. "It certainly wasn't the money that kept you here. So, I ask, why are you here CJ? You certainly didn't always agree with what we were doing. I didn't even always agree with what we were doing here. What stopped you from leaving?"

"I serve at the pleasure of the president," CJ replied. "I didn't always believe in what we were doing, but I've always believed in you."

Jed looked at her for a moment and realized just how much CJ had become like family to him. He had never told anyone, but there were a few times over the course of the last eight years when he'd hear people say he had three daughters and he had to remind himself that they were right. He had three daughters, not four, though CJ was like one of his own, especially after the loss of her own father.

"You really did, didn't you?" he asked.

"Yes sir. I still do," she replied.

"You're a good girl," he replied as if he were lost in thought for a moment. "Have Will go back to Meadows on that language will you?"

"Yes sir," CJ replied.

The president started to walk out of the room when he turned and said, "It looks like Leo won the bet after all."

"Sir?" CJ asked puzzled.

"He said you'd end up with the hat," he told her. "At the very end of the administration he said it would be you."

"Who did you pick sir?" CJ wondered.

"I picked Josh," he said. "But, I'm glad it was you. You deserve it CJ."

"Thank you sir," she said touched. "I'll have Will stop by after he talks to Meadows."

"Thank you," he said as he left the room.

"Thank you sir," she said again. She stole a glance at the beaten hat on her desk and smiled as she went to find Will.

TBC


	4. Hurt, Trials and Beer

_Author's Note: I still don't own The West Wing or the characters. Any feedback you have on this story is greatly appreciated._

* * *

"Did she like the hat?" Josh asked Sam when he hung up the phone.

"Yeah, she did," Sam smiled. "I think she was more worried about you though."

"I'm fine," Josh waved him off.

"That's what I told her," Sam replied. "But, are you really fine?"

"Sam," Josh sighed. "I'm fine okay? Losing a national election sucks, but I'm not going to throw myself off a bridge okay?"

"Okay," Sam said skeptically. "Have you talked to Leo?"

"Of course I've talked to Leo," Josh replied clearly frustrated with his friend's line of questioning.

"Recently?" Sam pressed.

"I talked to him in Texas after the election," Josh replied exasperated.

"So you haven't talked to him in weeks then?"

"No, I guess I haven't," Josh said. "Does that mean something? Do you want to call Stanley and get him out here to talk to me about it?"

"No," Sam replied simply. "I just wondered whether you and Leo were on speaking terms. And by the way, you came here to see me so you might want to be a little nicer."

"Be nicer?" Josh replied puzzled.

"Yes," Sam said. "Do you want to get some lunch?"

"Okay, sure," Josh said adopting a nicer tone. "We okay?"

"We're fine," Sam said.

"Okay," Josh replied.

The two old friends walked down the street in the California sunshine. Sam had managed to clear his morning schedule to spend a little more time with Josh, but he was going to pay for it that afternoon. Josh shoved his hands in his pockets as they walked.

"You think he hates me?" Josh asked suddenly.

"Who?"

"Leo," Josh said almost sheepishly.

"Leo knew the risks of the campaign. You win some and you lose some," Sam replied.

"That's what CJ said," Josh replied.

"She's a very intelligent woman," Sam said.

"Yeah," Josh said. "I miss her some times." Josh waited a beat before he proceeded. "I miss everyone, the old days, you know? I never thought I'd miss it so much."

"Yeah," Sam nodded.

"What?" Josh asked.

"Nothing," Sam said clearly suppressing a thought.

"Seriously," Josh pressed.

"Look, this isn't new to me okay?" Sam said. "I've been out here for how long? How many times did you or Toby or CJ call me just to say hello? I was sent out here on a fool's errand to win an election in a decidedly Republican district and by some miracle I won. I never thought I would. I thought I'd be going back to the White House. Instead I was exiled and never spoke of again."

"That isn't true," Josh said stopping short and waiting for Sam to stop with him. "Is that really what you think?"

"Yeah, it really is," Sam replied. "I heard from you on my birthday. CJ would occasionally call me. Toby would drop me an e-mail when he was mad at Will, but none of you gave a damn. The White House moves Josh and you're just realizing what I've known for the last three years—if you're not moving with it you're left behind."

"You weren't left behind Sam," Josh tried to tell his friend.

"Well it sure felt like it," Sam replied. "I was lost when I first came out here. Nothing felt the way it did and I was just lost."

"I feel lost now," Josh said.

"Yeah," Sam said knowingly as he started walking again.

"Hey," Josh said grabbing Sam's arm. "We didn't forget about you."

Sam stopped for a minute and looked his friend in the eye. "In my head I know that," Sam replied. "I'm just telling you that if you don't want to feel like your whole world is gone then maybe you should call Leo or Donna or Toby. It's obviously what you want. Why are you here? Why did you get on a plane the night after the election to go see CJ?"

"I missed you guys," Josh said quietly. "I wanted to feel like I did back then. We had the real thing for a while Sam."

"Yeah, we did," Sam nodded. Sam paused a moment to make his point. "Look, I have a pretty packed afternoon. If we're going to have lunch we better go."

"Yeah," Josh said as he followed Sam down the street.

He had never known that Sam felt abandoned by the rest of them. Maybe they had abandoned him. He thought of Sam after he left. He found himself stealing glances inside his old office every so often, half-expecting to see him typing away or fighting with Toby. Things happen so fast at the White House that there isn't time to dwell on what's missing. On who is missing. Soon after Sam left Zoey was kidnapped, the President had given power to the Republicans and things seemed to spiral out of control. The fact that Sam was gone seemed to get lost in the chaos and clutter of everyday. But, on the days when things were slow, Josh still had Leo, CJ, and Toby to talk to. Sam had no one.

Josh suddenly started to realize why Toby was so angry with him when he left. CJ was just promoted to Chief of Staff, effectively taking her away from the senior staff, and Josh had left. Leo wasn't around enough to really be considered a key player at the time and Josh suddenly saw that Toby felt abandoned.

'_CJ must really feel abandoned,'_ Josh thought to himself as they walked up the street in silence. _'But things change,'_ Josh told himself. _'If things don't change they stagnate and then nothing is accomplished.'_

Josh had an internal conversation with himself and he realized that even though things had to change there was no reason to sacrifice relationships. At one time they were like a family. The President and Leo seemed to be the head of the family and the kids-older brother Toby, little brother Sam and sister CJ-filled the void in Josh's life. As they searched for a place to eat Josh made a mental note to do whatever he had to in order to make things right.

* * *

"Do you have CNN on right now?" Danny asked CJ over the phone.

"Yeah," she said quietly watching the television screen.

"Well?" Danny asked.

"Well I'm glad that it's over for him," CJ said.

"That's it?"

"Yeah, that's it," CJ replied somewhat bitterly.

"CJ, this is Toby we're talking about," Danny reminded her. "He got a suspended sentence. He won't have to serve time in prison for the leak."

"I know," CJ said. "I said I was happy for him. What else do you want from me?"

"I thought you'd be a little happier about it. You and Toby are friends."

"Toby and I_ were_ friends," CJ said. "He put me in a terrible position and he knew it."

"CJ," Danny tried to interject.

"No Danny," CJ said. "I'm over feeling bad about it. I'm over feeling sorry for him and I'm over feeling sorry for myself. He knew what he was doing and he did it anyway. I'm glad that he's not going to jail. I'm glad that he's going to see his children grow up, but that's it."

"Okay," Danny said.

CJ sighed into the receiver as the television showed a picture of Toby leaving the courthouse flanked by his attorneys. She felt her eyes begin to well with a few tears and she bit her lower lip to stop them from falling. She'd shed enough tears over Toby when she was alone in her office at night. He made his choice and now they both had to live with it.

"You're not going to call him?" Danny ventured.

"Okay, what part of I'm over it did you not hear?" CJ replied irritated. She didn't mean to take this out on Danny. He was only trying to be helpful. He'd been so caring and solid over the last few weeks. The transition from working in the White House, while welcome, was much more difficult than CJ would have thought and she was feeling pressure.

"I heard you," Danny replied. "I just think you're being stubborn."

"Thank you very much," CJ replied.

"You're welcome," Danny said with a smile in his voice.

"Remind me again why I like you?" CJ asked.

"It's a combination of my boyish charm, my witty repartee and, of course, my rugged good looks."

"And don't forget your modesty," CJ added.

"Of course," he said with a smile in his tone.

"Sorry," CJ said almost inaudibly.

"What was that?" Danny asked. "It got loud in here."

"I said I was sorry," CJ repeated. "I shouldn't have snapped at you."

"It's okay," Danny said.

"It's not," CJ replied.

"You didn't mean it."

"No, I didn't," CJ said seriously.

"Then it's okay," Danny said. "You gonna be around later?"

"Yeah," CJ said.

"I'll stop by on my way home," Danny said.

"Hey Danny?" she asked.

"Yeah?"

"Bring your toothbrush," CJ suggested.

Danny smiled outwardly and looked down. There were some days when he still didn't believe that he and CJ were actually together and then she'd go and make a comment like that.

"Okay," he said.

"Bye," CJ said hanging up the phone.

"Bye," he replied. Danny hung up his phone and smiled, but he felt sick for CJ. He hated to see her so miserable and that's when he decided he was going to try his best to make her feel better. He flipped through his contact numbers and found the one he was looking for. He hoped that the number was still valid and he waited to hear a familiar voice on the other end of the line.

* * *

"Hello?" Toby answered the phone gruffly.

"Toby, it's Josh," he said.

"Josh?" Toby questioned. "What is this, old home week?"

"Huh?"

"Nothing," Toby said clearing his throat. "What do you want Josh?"

"I just wanted to say hello," he said.

"Okay," Toby said in the same skeptical tone he adopted with Leo a few weeks back.

"So hi, I guess," Josh said.

"You do realize that it's two in the morning here right?" Toby asked him.

"Oh, shit, sorry," Josh said. "I've gotten so used to west coat time. I'm staying with Sam for a while."

"Lucky Sam," Toby said.

"I didn't wake the kids did I?"

"No, they're with Andrea," Toby said. "What do you need Josh?"

"I heard about the trial," Josh said. "I wanted to tell you that I'm glad that things went well."

"Yeah," Toby said sullenly.

"A suspended sentence," Josh tried to say brightly. "You've got to be happy with that."

"Yeah," Toby said again.

"Have you talked to anyone?" Josh asked.

"No, I haven't and as riveting as this conversation is it's two in the morning," Toby said raising his voice.

"Since when were you ever sleeping at two in the morning?" Josh asked him.

"Since I was tossed out of the White House on my ass," Toby said. "It's amazing to get on a regular sleep schedule again."

"Yeah, I guess it is," Josh agreed. "Look I don't want to keep you, but I was wondering what you were doing in two weeks?"

"Probably something. Do you have a specific day and time in mind?" Toby asked.

"The ninth," Josh said. "It's a Thursday, evening-ish."

Toby let out a deep sigh. "I'm packing," Toby said.

"Packing? You moving?"

"Yes," Toby replied.

"Where are you going?"

"I was offered a job at Columbia."

"Wow," Josh said. "You're getting out of politics?"

"You and Leo are supposed to be these brilliant campaign strategists," Toby said. "Why do both of you question me leaving politics? Surely you can figure out that being fired by the President of United States doesn't look good on a resume."

"You talked to Leo?" Josh asked.

"Yeah," Toby replied angrily. "He came by a few weeks ago."

"Was he okay?" Josh asked.

"He doesn't hate you Josh," Toby said. "Maybe if you'd summon the courage to call him he could tell you that himself."

"I can call him," Josh defended himself. "I'm giving him space."

"Whatever, I don't really care," Toby said.

"So Columbia?" Josh asked.

"I'm teaching a few classes there. We'll see how it goes."

"When do you leave for good?"

"The end of the month," Toby said.

"Well then the ninth we'll get together," Josh said.

"I told you I'm packing."

"Take a break from packing," Josh insisted.

"Why?"

"Because it's what old friends do for each other when they're in town," Josh said.

"So you and I are old friends catching up with a beer?" Toby almost chuckled.

"Yeah," Josh said. "And it's not just me, it's Sam too."

"Sam too? The future governor of California?" Toby scoffed.

"Sam is in town then and I'm coming back to D.C. and I want us all to get together."

"Sam shouldn't be seen with me," Toby said.

"Sam doesn't care and no one is going to remember the leak a year from now anyway."

"I will," Toby said. "The President will. CJ will."

"The American people won't. The people of California won't, and if they do, they won't care. Have a beer with us on the ninth."

"Fine," Toby sighed.

"Really?"

"Really," Toby said suddenly wondering why he had agreed. He didn't have strong feelings about seeing Josh or Sam again; at least he didn't until Josh called him.

"Good," Josh said surprised. "We'll see you around seven?"

"Fine," Toby said. "Now get the hell off my phone so I can get some sleep."

"Night Toby," Josh said with a small grin.

"Night," Toby said hanging up the phone.

TBC


	5. Girl Talk

_Author's Note: I still don't own the characters or the show. Also, reviews are encouraging! Thanks to those who are reading and I hope to finish this up before the New Year. Happy holidays to all!_

* * *

Girl Talk

CJ heard the faint ringing as her mind slowly became conscious. She tried to ignore it but she realized that Danny had not moved and he wouldn't be answering the phone. She cracked one eye and tried to note the time, but, without her glasses she knew it was futile.

"Hello?" she said groggily into the receiver.

"CJ," Donna said happily.

"Donna?" CJ questioned. She hadn't spoken to Donna in months. In truth she had missed their conversations. She had missed more than that. There were times at the White House when she wanted to leave the building and grab some ice cream. Donna was always her ice cream buddy, but after she left they seldom spoke, which CJ regretted.

"Yeah," Donna replied. "I didn't wake you did I?"

Donna hadn't gotten away from the early morning routine and she just assumed the same had gone for CJ. It was almost seven and she figured the danger of waking her was minimal, but now that she heard CJ's gruff voice she wondered.

"Uh, no," CJ lied as she sat up and slunk out of bed. Danny had just gotten back from a summit in China and she didn't want to wake him. "Can you hold on a minute?" CJ asked.

"Sure," Donna replied. She heard some rumbling over the line as CJ felt around the night stand for her glasses. She took the cordless phone and crept out of the bedroom. Donna heard her clear her throat before she got back on the phone.

"Okay, sorry about that," CJ said when she was back on the line.

"I woke you," Donna said. "I'm so sorry. I just assumed you'd be awake."

"It's okay," CJ said. "It's really good to hear from you."

"Yeah?" Donna asked. It had been so long since they'd spoken she wasn't sure. CJ and Donna were never what you could call best friends, but as two of the more important women at the White House they had a bond.

"Yeah," CJ said sincerely. "What have you been up to since the campaign?"

"I'm actually back in Washington," Donna said. "I'm looking for a job at a few of the lobbying firms in town."

"If you need a reference let me know," CJ said. "I heard Thomas Knowles is looking for someone on the environment."

"Thanks," Donna replied. "I appreciate that."

"Anytime," CJ said. "I still can't believe our very own Donna Moss is a big-time political operative."

"We grow up so fast," Donna joked.

"Yeah," CJ smiled.

"What have you been up to?" Donna asked. "How are you adjusting to life outside the west wing?"

"It's an adjustment," CJ admitted. "I never felt powerful while I was there, but now that I'm not in the room I feel a little useless. Watching the news is suddenly a lot scarier than it was four months ago."

"Yeah," Donna agreed. "At least when I wasn't there I knew the people in charge. Now I'm not so sure I feel as confident."

CJ made a sound that indicated she agreed with Donna without having to verbalize it. Although she did agree that having a Republican in the White House was a scary idea, she never really connected with Santos as a candidate. She knew Jed Bartlet was the real thing all those years ago. She trusted him to make the choices she knew she couldn't, or wouldn't. She never got that feeling about Santos.

"So what have you been up to these last few weeks?" Donna asked. "Are you going back to California?"

"Not yet," CJ replied.

"Do you have a job in town?"

"I have a few offers I'm entertaining," CJ confessed. "To be honest I think I might end up doing some commentary for Capitol Beat."

"That's great," Donna said. "I can see you doing that."

"Yeah and the beauty is I get to give my opinions," CJ laughed. "I don't have to censor myself anymore."

"And that's it?" Donna asked.

"What do you mean?" CJ asked oblivious.

"No big news to report?" Donna asked as if she knew already.

"News?" CJ repeated still unaware that Donna was referring to Danny.

"I heard that someone with red hair who writes for a certain high profile newspaper made a few visits to your office the last few weeks in office," Donna baited her.

"Margaret," CJ grumbled under her breath.

Donna smiled on the other end of the phone. "Administrative assistants have a code. No matter how far away, no matter how long you've been gone, you stay on the gossip phone tree."

"Great," CJ sighed. "What exactly did Margaret tell you?"

"Who cares what Margaret told me," Donna dismissed her. "What's the story?"

"There's no story. The White House does not wish to comment on a non-issue," CJ said slipping into her old Press Secretary shoes.

"CJ, come on," Donna whined. "We've known each other for a long time and if you'll remember I was very supportive of you and Danny. I thought you'd make a terrific couple and I know you had some issues because of the Press Secretary and reporter thing, but it's not a factor anymore."

CJ quickly realized that Donna was falling into her old habit of rambling and she decided to stop her.

"Fine," CJ said interrupting Donna's thought. "Gee, I didn't think it was possible but you've managed to increase your lung capacity in a year's time."

"CJ," Donna said.

"Danny and I are dating," CJ sighed. "We're together okay? Are you happy?"

"Immensely," Donna smiled as she spoke. "I'm very happy for the two of you. How long has it been going on?"

CJ thought about the answer to that question. Eight years was her true response, but she knew Donna meant how long since things picked up and became serious. For the first time CJ felt no qualms about telling someone about her relationship.

"About four months," CJ confided. "He started dropping by the White House after the election and we went to dinner a few times. It really picked up after the inauguration."

"Well you had no more excuses to fight him off anymore," Donna told her.

"Yeah I suppose," CJ smiled.

"Is it serious?" Donna asked. CJ could practically see Donna's cocked eyebrow.

"Yeah," CJ said. "It actually kind of is."

"CJ that is so wonderful," Donna practically squealed into the phone.

"Yeah, it is," CJ admitted. "Now what about you my friend?"

"What about me?" Donna asked.

"Donna," CJ said. "I can't help but wonder if what I said to you about Josh made you leave the White House."

Donna got quiet on the other end of the phone. She remembered the chat well. CJ had basically told her to give up on Josh because he could never give her what she really wanted from him. She took CJ's comment to heart and left the White House shortly thereafter.

"We never really talked about what I said," CJ continued. "I never meant to imply--"

"Yes you did," Donna cut her off. "You were honest with me CJ. You know Josh and you were pointing out what I was too blind to see. I don't blame you for it. It really helped me figure out what I wanted."

"I'm sorry if it hurt you," CJ said. "We never really talked about it."

"I know," Donna said. "It's okay. It all turned out for the best."

"Josh feels like he let you down," CJ informed her. "We both know he'll never tell you that, but it's the truth. He feels like he let down Santos and Leo and the party, but most of all, he feels like he let you down. That's why I said what I did about Josh. He takes everything to heart and I don't think he can give you what you want because somewhere in the back of his mind he's always going to feel like he's going to let you down."

"I know," Donna replied. "I've been on the campaign trail with him for months CJ. I worked for him for years. I know that he'll always feel he's not good enough. I guess I always hoped he'd change."

"Josh likes change in other people, not himself," CJ said knowingly.

"Have you talked to Josh?" Donna asked getting the feeling that CJ had spoken to him recently.

"Not recently," CJ replied. "He stopped by my apartment after the election."

"Two days after?" Donna asked.

"Yeah," CJ admitted. She wasn't sure, but she was fairly certain she heard hurt in Donna's tone when she posed the question.

"We didn't know where he went," Donna admitted. "He called from the airport and said he'd be back. I assumed he went to his mom's. He went to see you?"

"He was feeling really low Donna," CJ told her. She could tell that Donna was hurt that Josh had gone all the way to Washington to see her instead of staying in Texas and confiding in Donna.

"Yeah," Donna brushed it off. "He had Leo and me right there in Texas but he flew to see you."

"He said wanted a friendly face. Someone who he didn't feel he'd let down," CJ explained. "He looked like hell when he showed up and he just went on about how he messed everything up and how he didn't know how to make it better."

"I haven't heard from him since we shut everything down in Texas," Donna admitted. "He never wanted me there anyway. I was only there because Lou hired me."

"That isn't true," CJ said.

"Yeah, it really is CJ," Donna said knowingly.

"Maybe," CJ told her. "He didn't want you there, but he needed you there. Josh doesn't function well without you Donna. I know I told you that he couldn't give you what you need, but I can also tell you that he can't function well without you either. I often wondered if you'd have stayed, would he have left the White House? After you left there he had this huge void in his life. I think he left the White House because he couldn't find what he was missing. He was missing you. He needs you whether he knows it or not."

"You don't have to say that," Donna dismissed her.

"I'm not. I don't have to censor myself anymore remember?" CJ joked. "I get to give my opinions, which are, admittedly, not worth a whole lot, but I get to say what I think. I think Josh loves you in ways that he can't even conceive. I think you love him in ways that you never thought possible and I think you're both stubborn fools who waste a lot of time thinking about things you'll never say. Trust me. Being with Danny has made me a much wiser woman."

"Because you wasted time thinking about things you'd never say to him?" Donna asked.

"I wasted years thinking about things I'd never say to him," CJ grinned as she saw Danny emerge from the bedroom looking tired yet adorable. He stretched in the doorway and gave her a smile as he padded into the kitchen. "Believe me, from the biggest fool of the last decade, if you're still hung up on Josh then tell him. I know I'm glad I did."

"He won't talk to me anymore," Donna replied.

"He will," CJ insisted. "He just needs some time. He saw me. I know he was California with Sam. Now he just needs to make amends with Leo and then he'll see you. He always saves you for last."

"He's with Sam?" Donna asked. "The future governor of California?"

"Yeah," CJ replied. "The future governor and Tonto are living it up."

"I'm glad Sam is doing well. Have you talked to Toby?" Donna asked innocently. She didn't know what had happened between Toby and CJ. She assumed that she'd never know the whole story. No one would expect Toby, CJ and perhaps the President.

"No, I haven't talked to him," CJ said sensing Danny enter the room. "I'm glad for him though. Listen Donna, this is stupid. Let's get together and have dinner some time. We're both in town."

"That sounds really nice actually," Donna said.

"How about the ninth?" CJ asked. For some reason CJ remembered the date as an evening that Danny would be out with the boys. He had a monthly poker night with some reporters at the paper and CJ thought it would be great to actually catch up with Donna in person. Two years was a long time to cover over the phone.

"Sounds perfect," Donna said. "I'll swing by your place?"

"That sounds great," CJ smiled. "I'll see you then."

"Okay," Donna smiled. "It was nice talking to you CJ. Sorry I woke you. Tell Danny I said hi."

CJ chuckled at Donna's tone when she gave her regards to Danny. It was a very junior high tone, complete with a higher pitched voice.

"I will do that," CJ smirked. "See you the ninth."

"You bet."

CJ felt Danny's hand gently rubbing her back once she hung up the phone. He was perched on the arm of the chair drinking a glass of orange juice. "Who was that?" he asked.

"My secret boyfriend," CJ teased him.

"Making plans with him while I'm at poker night?" he asked her playing along.

"You figured it out," CJ say. "I knew I shouldn't have tried to date the next Bob Woodward."

"So does this mystery boyfriend have a name?" Danny asked.

"Well, we have to keep it hush-hush," CJ played along. "He's running for governor of California and a sex scandal might ruin it."

"Ah, I think Sam will be fine," Danny dismissed her. "The people of California like a good sex scandal. They live in the land of Hollywood."

"How'd you know it was Sam?" CJ asked.

Danny smirked at her. "Running for governor of California? Who else would it be?"

"Arnold Schwarzenegger," she replied seriously.

"He's not your type," Danny said sliding down into the chair next to her.

"You're right," CJ laughed. "Hey, are you tired? You should get some more sleep."

"I'm fine," Danny said scratching his cheek. "So who was it really?"

"It was Donna," CJ replied with surprise in her voice.

"Really? What's she up to?" Danny asked.

"She's looking to work as a lobbyist," CJ said. "Donna's very persuasive."

"Yes she is," Danny agreed. "So you two are getting together?"

"Yeah," CJ grinned as she rested her head on Danny's shoulder. He slipped his arm around her. "We're going to catch up over dinner while you're out losing your ass at the poker table."

"I do not lose my ass," Danny protested.

"Tell me that when you come home with a dollar in your wallet," CJ replied.

"Well it's a good thing I have you to take care of me then," Danny said.

"You're very right about that," CJ agreed.

"Has Donna talked to Josh since he came here?" Danny asked.

"No," CJ replied. "He's just being stubborn. Josh has a list of people he needs to build him up before he can talk to Donna. He's already crossed off me and Sam. Leo is next and then Donna."

"What about Toby and Jed?"

"_President_ Bartlet," CJ said making a point to punch the first word, "is in New Hampshire for a few weeks. Odds are Josh won't be able to track him down. As for Toby, who knows?"

"You just don't want to talk about Toby," Danny said.

"Well what do you know? You're a genius," CJ replied.

"Are we gonna do this every time I mention Toby?"

"Here's a tip, don't mention Toby," CJ said seriously.

"We can never talk about Toby?" Danny asked incredulous.

CJ was quiet for a moment and she buried her face a little farther into Danny's shoulder. He felt her tense up when he mentioned Toby, but he wanted her to open up about him. CJ never talked about the leak. She always said it was because of the legal ramifications, but he knew that she just couldn't bring herself to open the wound again.

"Not yet," CJ said quietly.

"CJ I don't understand," Danny started to say before she reached up and covered is mouth gently with her hand.

"You can't," she said.

"I'm a pretty smart guy," he said gently.

"I know," she replied. He felt her smile sadly into his shoulder. "I know you're a smart guy. It's complicated and I'm not ready to talk about it yet. I'm not even ready to talk to Toby about it."

"Okay," Danny said simply.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Okay," she replied. "Good talk."

"Except the part of about you having a torrid affair with Sam," Danny teased her.

"You have nothing to worry about," CJ grinned. "It's a long distance relationship. I'm a very hands-on woman."

"I noticed," he grinned back as CJ let her hand roam up his thigh.

"It's you and me buddy," she told him.

"I can live with that," Danny replied. "I'm glad you're going to have dinner with Donna though."

"Me too," CJ replied.

Danny would never tell CJ, but he had called Donna and suggested that she give CJ a call. CJ seemed happier than she had in weeks after speaking with Donna and in that moment Danny knew that he'd made the right choice.

TBC


	6. Male Bonding

_Author's Note: This chapter was half-written before the untimely death of John Spencer. I felt it best to leave it as is and adjust the rest of the story according. Mr. Spencer created an amazing character. May he rest in peace.

* * *

_

Male Bonding

The night of the ninth came quickly and Sam and Josh hurried up the steps to Toby's door.

"Toby let us in," Josh called into the speaker box. After a moment of waiting Josh and Sam heard rustling and Toby opened the door.

"Hi," Josh said forcing himself through the threshold.

"Hey Toby," Sam said giving him a small smile. Toby couldn't decipher whether the smile was happy or sad and he took it as a sign of both.

"Hi Sam," Toby said extending his hand. "You're sure you can be seen here?"

Sam glanced at Toby's hand and brushed it away in order to give Toby a short, manly hug.

"It's good to see you," Sam said sizing him up.

"Thanks," Toby replied taken aback. "You didn't answer my question."

"Well to be honest I don't really give a damn who sees me here," Sam replied walking passed Toby and following Josh into the living room.

"You've got this place pretty well packed up," Josh said as Toby followed them into the room. "When do you leave?"

"The day after tomorrow," Toby replied. "It's amazing how being a felon turns you into a pariah in Washington and raises your stature in the higher education community."

Sam snickered. "Are you looking forward to it?" he asked.

"I guess," Toby replied.

"Come on, get your coat," Josh said.

"We can't go yet," Toby said.

"Why not?" Josh asked.

"We're waiting for someone," Toby said.

"Who are we waiting for?" Josh asked.

"Leo," Toby replied.

"Leo?" Josh repeated stunned. "Leo McGarry?"

"No, Leo Bernays, founder of modern public relations," Toby said sarcastically.

"Why did you invite Leo?" Josh asked uncomfortably.

"I suggested it," Sam piped up.

"What?" Josh said.

"Toby and I exchanged a few e-mails. Toby mentioned that Leo was back in town and I suggested we invite him," Sam replied succinctly.

"So you two thought it would be fun to ambush me," Josh stated rather than questioned.

"We're not ambushing you," Sam defended them. "It's time."

"How do you know what it's time for?" Josh practically shouted.

"He doesn't hate you Josh," Toby replied. "I've talked to him."

"So you've talked to him about me," Josh said starting to pace. "What the hell am I supposed to say to him? Sorry I wrecked your pristine election record? Sorry I single-handedly turned your years of impeccable civil service into a footnote about how you once ran for Vice President and lost?"

"I was thinking 'hey Leo, it's been too long,'" Leo said walking into the room from the den.

Toby, Sam and Josh all turned toward the sound of his voice. Josh just stood slack-jawed as if Leo wasn't really in the room.

"I probably should have mentioned that we had to wait because Leo was taking a phone call in the other room," Toby said looking down at the floor.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" Leo asked Josh.

"Yeah," Josh said so quietly that it was almost a whisper.

"Will you give us a minute?" Leo asked Toby and Sam.

"We'll be in the kitchen," Toby said leading the way out.

"It's good to see you Sam," Leo said as they passed each other.

"You too," Sam smiled. "We'll catch up."

"We will," Leo nodded.

Leo shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at Josh. For his part Josh looked like a little boy who about to be scolded. Seeing Leo made everything seem more real. When he visited CJ and Sam it had been so long since they'd seen each other that it seemed like old friends catching up on life. With Leo it seemed like old friends who ran into each other although they were both trying to avoid it. A tension hung in the air between them.

"What have you been up to?" Leo asked Josh as he made his way to the couch to have a seat.

"I've been in California," Josh said sitting across from Leo in a chair. "I was staying with Sam for a while."

"You running his campaign for governor?" Leo asked.

"No," Josh said seriously. "I don't think that would be a good idea."

"Why?"

"I don't want Sam to lose," Josh said slightly patronizingly.

"He's not going to lose if you run his campaign," Leo informed him. "You can't take it so personally Josh."

"How can I not take it personally?" Josh countered.

"You took Santos as far as you could," Leo told him. "You got him where he needed to be and it was up to him to do the rest. No one could have done more for him. You picked him out of relative obscurity for Pete's sake."

"You did the same thing with President Bartlet. He was the third place contender for the nomination," Josh reasoned. "He was a little-known governor from New Hampshire and you got him elected twice."

"Santos wasn't exactly the front-runner for the Democratic nomination and you got that done. Besides I didn't do it alone Josh," Leo said slightly exasperated. "I put together a team. I plucked you from Hoynes, I got Mandy on board and Toby, but you guys did the rest."

"We didn't," Josh replied.

"Stop it," Leo said.

"I let you down," Josh said.

"Stop it Josh," Leo said more forcefully. "I knew going in that it would be a rough race. Did you honestly think I thought it was lock? It was something to do. Would I have liked to win? Who knows? Maybe I'm better off consulting. I definitely don't need another heart attack. You could have saved my life."

"I doubt that," Josh mumbled.

"I don't," Leo said. "Now let it go and let's go have some dinner."

"I let everyone down," Josh said quietly.

"You let a few people down," Leo admitted. "I'm not one of them. Neither is Donna, Jed, Toby, CJ or Sam. We all know you put your heart and soul into this campaign."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Leo said standing.

"For what it's worth, I really am sorry Leo," Josh said.

"Listen to me when I say this," Leo said looking him in the eyes. "It's fine. Don't worry about it. You need to get your confidence back. Sam's governor race could be the thing you need."

"No," Josh said.

"Josh," Leo started in on him.

"I'll make you a deal. When Sam runs for president I'll run his campaign."

"I'm holding you to that," Leo said.

"If Sam will have me, I'm his guy," Josh said.

"You're his guy," Leo nodded. "Enough of this. I'm starving. Toby, Sam, get in here."

"You guys okay?" Sam asked as entered the room.

"We're great," Leo nodded. "By the way, Josh is running your campaign for president when you run."

"I wouldn't even think of anyone else," Sam said. Josh and Sam shared a meaningful look and Josh knew that Sam meant what he said.

"Good," Leo nodded his approval. "Is anyone else starving?"

"I am," Sam agreed.

"I could eat," Toby said.

"Let's go," Josh said with a smile.

The men collected their coats and made their way out into the night. For the first time in years it felt like the fraternity they had assembled eight years earlier.

TBC


	7. Loose Ends

_Author's Note: There is one more chapter to wrap things up after this one. Thank you to all who have reviewed. For those who are reading and not reviewing thanks for sticking with it. Happy New Year to all!

* * *

_

CJ collapsed on the couch after entering her apartment. Catching up with Donna was just what she needed to reconnect with her old life. Although a lot of time had passed, having dinner with Donna was as comfortable as CJ's old flannel pajama bottoms. It was almost as if no time had passed at all, yet Donna seemed so much more assertive and capable. CJ always knew she had it in her to become much more than Josh's assistant. CJ turned on the television and decided to wait up for Danny.

* * *

Donna drove away from CJ's apartment and smiled as she thought about the dinner they shared. It had been so long since Donna had a real "girl's night out" and she was happy that Danny had called her and suggested she call CJ. Danny, like CJ, seemed to be extremely happy and Donna was glad that they had finally had a chance to make their relationship work. She knew if CJ and Danny would just get to a place where they didn't have conflicts of interest that they would make a spectacular couple. She had always secretly hoped that the same could be true of her relationship with Josh. However, given his initial refusal to hire her, the result of the election and the fact that she hadn't heard from him in weeks her hope had long since faded.

Donna pulled into a parking spot and opened her car door. It was at that moment that she saw CJ's purse sitting on the passenger's seat. Instead of being irritated Donna was bemused. She turned her car back on and pulled out of the parking spot and made a quick right turn. It was still early and Donna decided that it was easier to return CJ's purse now rather than later.

* * *

"Where are we going?" Toby asked as the men walked down the tree-lined avenue. "What street is this?"

"Federal," Josh replied. He led the group of Toby, Sam and Leo as they turned the corner and walked a bit farther. He knew that if the cab had dropped them off that Toby wouldn't have gotten out of the car.

Upon hearing the street name Toby stopped dead in his tracks. "No," Toby said simply. He started to turn around.

"Toby," Josh said turning and walking after him.

"I don't get it," Sam said to Leo. "Where are we going?"

"CJ's," Leo informed him. "She moved to this side of town two years ago. Toby hasn't spoken to her since the leak."

Sam nodded. "Tonight's shaping up to be talk show reunion special," Sam commented.

"Yeah," Leo agreed.

"Does CJ know we're coming?" Sam asked.

"I don't think so," Leo replied. "Josh just told me we were stopping by about an hour ago. You and Toby were at the bar."

"You think she'll want to see him?" Sam asked.

"No one really knows what happened between them," Leo replied. "It couldn't have been easy for either of them."

"Yeah," Sam agreed. The two men stood back and watched Josh try to convince Toby to keep walking.

"You and Sam decided it was time for me and Leo to talk," Josh said. "Leo and I think it's time for you and CJ to talk."

"You don't get to tell me when I'm ready," Toby said angrily.

"But it was okay for you?" Josh countered.

"It's a completely different situation Josh," Toby said.

"How? I let Leo down. You let CJ down. How is it different?" Josh demanded.

"You have no idea how wrong you are about all of this," Toby insisted. "She's not going to want to see me. I don't know if I can see her."

"You and CJ have known each other for years," Josh reminded him. "She's not going to turn you away."

"Don't be so sure," Toby replied. "You weren't there. This is between me and CJ. This is about what I did and it's about what she did, or didn't do."

"Toby you know she couldn't defend you. She couldn't have talked to you or come to your aid or else she would have been indicted," Josh said.

"Maybe she should have been Josh," Toby replied heatedly. "You don't know. You weren't there. I was there and she was there. We're the ones who know what happened and I'm telling you that I can't talk to her."

Josh studied his face for a moment and didn't see stubborn resolve. He saw that Toby was scared. His eyes conveyed a sense of fear that he'd never seen before. Josh knew that he was afraid of CJ rejecting him.

"Then let her talk to you," Josh said quietly.

"What?"

"Let her talk to you," Josh repeated. "It's us. It'll be all five of us together again. You don't have to talk to her because we'll all be there. We'll be there for you."

"Josh," Toby started to protest.

"You can leave whenever you want," Josh offered. "At least come with us and knock on her door and say hello."

Toby sighed and turned his back toward Josh for a moment. "You're not going to take no for an answer are you?" he asked.

"No," Josh informed him.

"Well we better go now before I change my mind," Toby said.

"Let's go then," Josh said starting to walk. Leo and Sam led the way and Josh made sure to stay one step behind Toby as they walked up the street. He could tell this was hard for him, but he didn't really care that much about Toby's feelings. It was hard for Josh to see Leo before he was ready, but the evening had turned out quite well.

The men trudged up the steps to CJ's brownstone apartment and Sam knocked on the door. After a few seconds they heard footsteps behind the door. The door opened and CJ was greeted by the expectant faces of Sam, Leo, Josh, and in the very back, Toby.

"Oh my gosh," CJ said shocked. "You guys!" CJ threw her arms around Sam's neck and pulled Leo over into a hug with her other arm. After letting Sam go CJ replaced him with Josh. Her eyes smiled brighter than her lips as she surrounded herself with Sam, Leo and Josh. It took her a moment to notice Toby standing farther away from the group. She let Josh and Leo out of the embrace.

"Toby?" CJ asked as if she didn't really believe it was him.

"CJ," he said quietly.

"I'm glad everything worked out for you," she said rather formally.

"Thanks," he replied not looking at her.

"Do you guys want to come in?" CJ asked.

"It's kind of nice out here," Josh said.

"We should just sit out here," Sam suggested. "Like old times."

"I'll go grab the beer," CJ said. "Ginger ale for you Leo?" He nodded and she disappeared inside and Toby was about to make an excuse to leave when he saw Leo lock eyes with him and nod his head toward the door. It was clear that he was being instructed to follow CJ in the house.

Toby sighed outwardly and pursed his lips. "I'll go help her I guess," he said grudgingly as he walked up the steps and let himself in the house. He made his way to the kitchen and found her opening the bottles.

"Hi," he said.

CJ looked up from the bottles. "Hi," she said.

"I didn't know they were coming here," he offered.

"It's fine," CJ replied trying not to look him in the eye.

"If I'd have known they were going to stop by--"

"You wouldn't have come," CJ finished for him.

"Yeah," Toby said feebly.

"Fine," she said tossing the beer caps forcefully into the trash.

Toby scoffed at her reply. "You have some nerve," he said angrily.

CJ had picked up a few bottles and at his comment she placed them back on the counter. The time had finally come for them to talk.

"I have some nerve?" she replied. "That's rich Toby."

"What exactly are mad at me for? Because I leaked the story or because I did what you didn't have courage to do?"

"Excuse me?"

"You know I did the right thing," Toby said angrily. "You wanted to tell the world about the military shuttle but you couldn't."

"Because it was illegal," CJ countered.

"But not immoral," Toby shot back at her. "I did what you wanted me to do."

"I didn't want you to do that Toby," CJ said turning her back on him. "I never asked you to go shoot off your mouth about classified information."

"Then why did you tell me to?"

"I didn't tell you to," CJ yelled.

"Not in so many words," Toby replied.

CJ gave him a hard look. She saw anger and resentment in his eyes, but she also saw uncertainty and fear. "I may have overstepped my bounds when I talked to you about the shuttle, but you made a choice Toby. You chose to talk about it. I never asked you to do that."

"I know," Toby said lowering his voice. "I know you didn't."

"They thought it was me," CJ went on. "For weeks they thought it was me. You knew that they thought it was me and you just let it play out."

"I knew it wasn't you," Toby said. "I was confident that they'd find you innocent because you didn't do it."

"And there was no danger of me taking the bullet because we always got the right guy didn't we?" CJ replied sarcastically turning toward him again. When she finally turned he could see that she had been fighting back tears. Her eyes were puffy, but she had done a valiant job of not allowing the tears to roll down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry," he said simply. "You are the last person in the world I would ever want to hurt."

"I'm sorry too," CJ replied. "I know what I said to you put you in a compromising position. I should have kept it to myself. I can't help but feel incredibly guilty for that."

"It wasn't your fault," Toby insisted. "I leaked the story, not you."

"You leaked the story because I told you about it," CJ replied.

"No," Toby shook his head. "I leaked the story because of what my brother told me about a military shuttle. I already knew. You know I already knew about it."

"But I confirmed it," CJ shook her head.

"CJ you know me," Toby said forcefully. "Would I ever do anything I didn't believe in?"

"No," she agreed.

"I didn't agree with the president," Toby replied. "I didn't agree with leaving astronauts in outer space because we were too damn stubborn to show our hand. They were resolved to murder patriotic Americans rather than help them. I couldn't get on board with that."

"I know," CJ said.

"It was one more compromise than I wasn't willing to make," Toby justified himself. "We lost so much of ourselves and our ideals and I couldn't do it anymore."

"You left me alone," CJ said.

"What?"

"You left me there," CJ repeated. "Sam, Leo, Will, Donna, Josh…they all left. You and I were the only two left and you abandoned me."

"I know," he said biting his lip.

"You think I liked having to compromise my beliefs? It started in our first year Toby. You weren't the only one losing little pieces of yourself along the way."

"I know," Toby said again.

"It about killed him," CJ told him. "When we realized it was you, it about killed him."

"You could have fooled me," Toby said sullenly.

"You know he had to fire you," CJ said.

"I understand that," Toby said. "The look on his face was…he's been playing Christ since the day we were elected. He looked at me as if he always knew I'd be Judas to his Jesus."

"You always knew it," CJ said. "Why couldn't he?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Toby said. "It wasn't intentional."

"You had him on a pedestal," CJ offered. "No one would have been able to live up to your expectations."

"Yeah," Toby said absently. "You started compromising your beliefs and I started to see the cracks in his armor from day two in office, but it was one hell of a ride."

"For a while," CJ agreed.

"Are we okay?" Toby asked her.

"Yeah," she said nodding slightly. She walked over to the counter finally bridging the physical distance between them. She picked up the bottles and started to walk out of the kitchen.

"Really?" Toby asked.

"We're okay," she said giving him a small smile. "I missed you."

"Me too," Toby said.

"Make it up to me by grabbing Leo's ginger ale will you?"

She flashed him her toothy grin and he remembered how much he missed her over the weeks and months they were forbidden from speaking.

"I'll see you out there," CJ said walking out of the kitchen.

Toby obliged CJ and pulled a glass out of the cupboard. He opened the refrigerator and filled the glass with ginger ale. He smirked to himself as he replaced the bottle. Somehow the night was shaping up to feel like old times. It was almost as if the clock had been turned back eight years and everything was new again. Toby made it outside to see his old friends lounging on the steps and he heard the middle of an interesting conversation.

"Danny thinks we're having a torrid affair," CJ told Sam.

"Who doesn't think that?" Josh quipped.

"Why would Danny think that?" Sam asked slightly alarmed.

"I told him we were having a torrid affair," CJ smiled.

"Why would you tell him that?" Sam asked.

"To rile him up," CJ replied.

"Thanks. Thanks a lot."

"Oh don't worry Sam he's not going to rough you up by the bike racks after class," CJ mocked him.

"And we can still carry on our torrid affair?" Sam asked hopefully.

"Sure Spanky," CJ laughed.

"Hey, you bought me pajamas," Josh whined. "All these years I thought that meant something."

"Yeah it meant your ratty Wesleyan sweatshirt was grossing me out," she replied flashing him a smile.

"I did save her life once," Sam spoke up. "She kind of owes me."

"I'm his indentured servant as a sex slave," CJ laughed.

"Kinky," Josh said. "But then again I always knew you had it in you."

"I really don't want to hear this," Leo spoke up.

"I second that," Toby piped up as he handed the glass to Leo.

"So, you and Danny are good?" Josh asked CJ.

"Yeah," CJ smiled. "We're really good actually."

"He's not threatened by us men-folk?" Josh asked.

"Well he didn't know you were coming over tonight," CJ pointed out. "But I think he'll be fine with it. He's had years of practice. He knows I like quality time with my spin boys."

"I haven't heard that one in a while," Toby said.

"Really," Sam agreed.

"I always liked it," Josh spoke up. "It made us sound powerful."

"Like the Wizards of Oz?" Sam teased him.

"Exactly like that," Josh replied rather sarcastically.

"Toby is going to teach at Columbia," Leo spoke up.

"Columbia?" CJ asked. "You're moving?"

"The day after tomorrow," he told her.

"Wow," she said taking a sip of her beer.

"Yeah," Toby nodded. "It's not that far away though."

"I wasn't marveling at the move Toby," CJ informed him. "I was silently thanking God that I didn't have any college-aged children attending Columbia."

She smirked when she said it as did the rest of the group. Toby chuckled and lowered his head. "I'm gonna blow their minds," Toby said confidently.

"I have no doubt," Leo commented. "I actually have to get going. I have a plane to catch."

"You're leaving?" CJ asked.

"Yeah, I have to be at the airport in a little while," Leo said. "It was great to see you again though CJ."

CJ stood up and gave Leo another hug. The group started to say their goodbyes to Leo when they saw a car slow down outside CJ's house.

"Undercover cop?" Josh asked.

"We're breaking about ten ordinances," Sam told them. "Not the least of which is having open containers."

"We're not drunk," Leo pointed out.

"Speak for yourself," Toby joked as he put down his second beer. The whiskey he had at dinner combined with the beer and euphoria of being with the group made him feel giddier than usual.

"I'm glad to know I'm sitting out here with a bunch of street thugs," CJ said recognizing the car. "You can all relax it's just Donna."

The car's headlights suddenly turned out and Donna opened the door. She surveyed the group when she pulled up and noted that the whole gang was there, including Josh. For a moment she wondered if she should turn around or just pass the house quickly and avoid them, but she knew she couldn't. She had CJ's purse in her hand as she crossed the street. She was somewhat puzzled and somewhat hurt that she had been left out of the reunion. She surmised that CJ knew Josh would be stopping by later and that her friend had lied to her about it.

"You forgot your purse," Donna said holding it out to CJ.

"Thanks," CJ said standing up to meet her a bit farther from the stoop. She could tell that Donna's tone indicated her irritation with the situation. "I didn't know they were coming over," CJ told her in a hushed tone.

"Donna, it's great to see you," Sam said walking over and giving her a hug. Sam knew could tell that Donna was on the verge of leaving and he wanted her and Josh to have a chance to talk. "How have you been?"

"I've been okay," Donna smiled. She was happy to see Sam in all honesty. It had been years and they had always enjoyed camaraderie. "I heard about the run for governor."

"Yeah, it's pretty exciting," Sam said. "We just stopped by to surprise CJ. Josh and I were in town and Toby just got his good news so we planned an impromptu meeting."

"Sounds great," Donna forced a smile.

"Join us," Sam invited her.

"Yeah, stay," CJ insisted.

"I probably shouldn't," Donna hesitated as she glanced over at Josh. He was avoiding eye contact with her at the moment.

"Stay Donna," Leo called over.

"Please?" CJ asked. "I'm the only girl here and as much as I like to think of myself as one of the guys I need a little more estrogen to balance it out."

"Okay," Donna said grudgingly.

"Great," CJ said. "Come inside and we'll get you something to drink." CJ led Donna up the steps and into the house.

"We'll be back," CJ said pointedly before closing the door behind them.

"Great," Josh muttered as the door shut.

"Josh," Leo said adopting that paternal tone that Josh hated and loved at the same time. "Go talk to her."

"What's with you today?" Josh asked light-heartedly. "First you show up to have a talk with me, then you pull a Jedi mind trick on Toby to get him to talk to CJ and now you're trying to coerce me into going to talk to Donna."

"I'm not trying to coerce you," Leo said seriously. "I'm telling you. Get your ass in there and talk to Donna."

Josh sighed and rolled his eyes. "It's time for you to grow up Josh," Leo said. "I know you two have had your issues, but it's time to put it behind you."

Leo gave Josh a hard look that indicated he should do as he was being told.

"Now, I've got a plane to catch," Leo said looking at his watch. "It was good catching up with you. Tell CJ and Donna that I'll be in touch."

"Where are you going anyway?" Toby questioned.

"I'm going to New Hampshire to visit an old friend," Leo said.

"Give the president my best," Sam said.

"Me too," Josh seconded.

"Toby, I'll tell him you said hello?" Leo asked.

"Yeah," Toby said quietly. He may have been able to make amends with CJ, but he knew it would be a while before he was able to mend fences with Jed.

"Okay, you all have a good night," Leo said walking away. "Josh, get in there."

Leo walked up the street with an eerie sense of calm. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this peaceful. Somehow he knew that Josh would make amends with Donna. He felt like CJ and Toby had made the inroads they needed to mend their friendship. Sam was running for governor and the stress that Leo had felt for the last ten years of his life seemed to fade into oblivion. He smirked his quiet, contented smile as he walked to the corner to hail a cab.

Sam, Toby and Josh watched Leo walk down the street.

"Well?" Sam asked Josh.

"Well what?" Josh asked.

"You heard Leo," Sam replied.

"I had to go talk to CJ," Toby reminded him.

"I had to talk to Leo first," Josh whined.

"Trust me when I tell you that your chat with Leo had nothing on the issues between me and CJ," Toby said.

"Fine," Josh moaned. "I'm going." He scuffed his shoe on the pavement and made his way up the steps. Sam and Toby watched him go, like a soldier off to war, resolved and terrified at the same time.

"Good luck," Sam called as the door swung closed behind Josh.

He made his way to the kitchen and CJ stood up straight when she saw Josh enter. Donna, with her back turned toward the door, didn't see him enter. She noticed CJ's change in demeanor and she turned.

"Well," CJ said. "I'm going to go catch up with Sam and Toby. I haven't seen them in a while."

"Thanks CJ," Josh whispered as she passed him.

"Yeah," she said squeezing his shoulder as she left.

Josh and Donna stood and stared at each other for a moment. The physical distance between them was nothing compared to the emotional and the room was thick with the tension.

"Leo thought I should come in and talk to you," Josh said running his hand through his hair.

"So you're only in here because Leo told you to?" Donna asked.

"No," Josh said as he pulled a chair out from the table. "I, I wanted to talk to you, I just didn't know how."

"Well you're talking now," Donna pointed out in way that indicted she wasn't trying to be particularly helpful.

"Yeah, I know," Josh said. "It's just hard to talk to you sometimes."

"It never used to be."

"But it is now."

"Why?"

"Because we're not who we used to be Donna," Josh said taking a seat. "We're not Josh and Donna. I can't say things that I used to be able to say to you."

"I'm still who I always was," Donna said.

"No," Josh said looking up. "You're not. Don't you get that I made you different?"

"I don't understand," Donna replied puzzled.

Josh sighed. "I don't either," Josh said. "I just know that you're different and we're different and it's my fault."

"Josh," Donna said taking a few steps toward him.

"It was Gaza," he said before she could say anything else. "I sent you to Gaza and you almost died and I will forever hold myself responsible for that and so will you. It's why you left."

"It's not why I left," Donna said.

"Yeah it is," Josh insisted. "You just don't realize it."

"Josh, it's not," Donna said pulling out a chair and sitting across from him. "I needed more than you were willing to give me. That's why I left."

"I knew it would happen one day you know," Josh said. "I knew that one day you'd wake up and realize you could be so much more if I weren't around."

"You shut me out," Donna said.

"I did what I thought was best for you," Josh insisted.

"You wouldn't hire me again," Donna said. "Do you have any idea how hard that was for me?"

"Yeah," he said leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. He rested his head in his hands to obscure his face. "Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to turn you away?"

"No, I don't. It didn't seem hard for you."

"It was."

"Why?"

"Why?" he said looking up at her. "Because you're the best thing to ever happen to me and I couldn't risk messing it up again. I almost got you killed, I was holding you back and I couldn't be around you anymore because every time I saw you it was a reminder of how unworthy I was to be around you."

"Josh come on," Donna said in disbelief.

"What?"

"You were unworthy to around me?"

"Donna why do you think I didn't want you on the campaign?"

"Because you were angry with me for leaving the White House," she said simply.

"Yeah, I was, but that's not why," Josh said. "I didn't want you there because I knew there was a good chance I'd let you down again. I've had to look you in eyes so many times and feel ashamed because I wasn't everything you deserve."

"You take things too personally Josh," Donna said. "I just wanted a job. I just wanted more to do. I was ready for more."

"And I knew I couldn't give you more," Josh said. "Don't you see that?"

"No I didn't," Donna said standing. "I didn't see it until CJ had to point it out to me. Everyone knew that you could never give me what I wanted except me. I left when I finally figured it out for myself."

"What did you want from me?"

"I don't know," Donna said feebly.

"You wanted more from me but you don't know what?" Josh asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah," Donna said.

"Tell me," Josh said deadly serious. He looked into her eyes and tried to read her. He used to be so good at it. She always teased him about being able to read his mind, but the truth was he never had trouble reading her. But, at that moment, Josh couldn't tell what she was thinking or feeling. He just knew that he wanted to hear what she had to say.

Donna swallowed hard. She knew what she wanted from Josh. She wanted him to be with her. She wanted to take his face in her hands and kiss him hard, just so she would know what it felt like. It didn't even have to work out; she just wanted to know the nearness of him for a moment.

"I wanted," Donna started to say before she hesitated. "I wanted to do more. I was ready to do more."

She decided to lie to him. It seemed easier to keep up the pretense than to tell him the truth. She saw his face deflate slightly. Had he really wanted her to tell him the truth about her feelings?

"I was holding you back?" Josh asked.

"You weren't taking me seriously," she said.

"I take you seriously now," Josh said sincerely.

"I know."

"No, I mean I really understand now," Josh explained. "You blew me away during the campaign. You're an amazing person and you did an incredible job."

"Thank you," Donna said almost embarrassed.

"I didn't tell you that enough," Josh said. "When I had you I didn't tell you enough how great I think you are."

"It's okay," Donna shook her head.

"It's not," Josh insisted. "I'm sorry if I let you down."

"You didn't let me down Josh," Donna informed him.

"I still miss you," he said quietly.

"I miss you too," Donna said slowing reaching out her hand. She laced her fingers through his lightly and he responded by squeezing her hand gently. They looked each other in the eyes and in that moment they both understood everything they'd kept from each other. It only lasted a moment, but their eyes and their hands said more than words could capture.

"We ought to get back out there," Josh said reluctantly.

Donna let go of his hand and stood up quickly. "Will you call me next time you're in town?" she asked.

"Call you?" Josh asked. "I'm staying with you now that you're a townie. Hotels around here are expensive."

Donna chuckled and she knew that everything between them was okay. There were still a thousand things they hadn't said and would probably never have the courage to tell each other, but somehow it was understood. It was understood that Donna loved him. It was understood that Josh placed Donna on a level so high that it transcended friend or lover.

They walked outside and found Toby and Sam laughing at CJ's expense until she finally broke out into a giggle herself.

"Everything okay?" Toby asked Josh quietly as he walked passed him.

"Everything is great," Josh confirmed.

Donna smiled at CJ to let her know that everything was okay.

"This is probably the last time we'll be together for a while," CJ commented. "You're going back to California tomorrow Sam?"

"Tomorrow afternoon," Sam confirmed.

"What about you?" CJ asked Josh. "You still freeloading on Sam?"

"Nah, he needs a break from my unattainable genius for a while," Josh said. "I'm going to visit my mom for a few weeks. I'll probably be back in town after that."

"Until he comes to run my campaign of course," Sam said.

"I think you need to be governor for a while before we jump into that," Josh said. "Toby you're off the Columbia the day after tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Toby sighed. "I have to get acclimated to my new surrounding before the next semester."

"I still can't believe you're teaching the youth of America," CJ chuckled.

"That makes two if us," Toby replied gently nudging her shoulder with his.

They spent the next few hours on the stoop reminiscing about old times and giving each other grief for things passed. Josh had tears streaming down his face as he remembered telling Danny that CJ liked goldfish. Donna snickered when she recalled the assistant's intrigue over the gossip that Sam had accidentally slept with a call girl. For the first time they talked about the good, the bad and the ugly of the Bartlet administration without reservation or embarrassment. It was the conversation of soldiers who had fought on the front lines together. They embraced their mistakes and they acknowledged their faults, each knowing they could have done it better.

TBC


	8. And So It Goes

_Author's Note: To everyone who reviewed this story, thank you! To everyone who read it and didn't review, I hope you also enjoyed it.

* * *

_

And so it goes…

In a post-administration interview former President Josiah Bartlet was quoted as saying that he was intelligent enough to know that in order to have a successful presidency that he needed to surround himself with extraordinary people. Leo McGarry, of course, was the man that President Bartlet credited with his success.

A week after the original senior staff congregated on CJ's stoop they were together again on much less auspicious occasion. They came together to bury their mentor and friend, Leo McGarry. Following the impromptu gathering at CJ's apartment Leo boarded a plane to visit Jed in New Hampshire. The two men reminisced about the old days before the election. They talked of their failures and successes and Abbey teased them for staying up until all hours of night gossiping like teenaged girls, though she loved seeing them together again.

Leo confided to Jed that losing the election might have been the best thing to ever happen to him. He felt freer and happier than he had in years now that he had no real commitment to politics. He was going to spend more time with Mallory and get started on his memoirs, for which Random House had paid him a sizable advance. That was why it came as such as shock when Abbey found him three days later not breathing in the guest room. She told them once that he looked so content and peaceful that she just knew the moment she entered the room that he was gone. She said that if she didn't know better she would have said that he almost had a smile on his face.

Jed was never the same after Leo's passing. He eventually became the Jed they all knew as he filled his days with family and speaking engagements and official business, but he still thought of Leo. They were supposed to grow old and get through the MS together. The plan was always for him to go first and for Leo to look after his family once he was gone. He was supposed to be Abbey's rock after Jed had passed and now she would have no one but the girls to look after her when then bitter end came. But, in those last days Jed saw Leo more relaxed and content than ever. He almost wondered if his dear friend knew the end was near.

Toby and Jed reconciled at the funeral. Each finally realized that life was too short and fragile to waste on anger and hurt feelings. They locked themselves away for an hour after the funeral and pored out their regrets to each other like fathers and sons who finally grow up and realize who they've really become. The masks were off and they had no more grand illusions about who they were and that was okay because they appreciated each other and their differing points of view. Jed and Toby kept in contact through e-mail and phone calls over the years and Jed was at peace with the resolution to their dramatic relationship.

As the years went by Jed thought of Mrs. Landingham, Admiral Fitzwallace and Leo every day and he was honored to have known them for as long as he had, but the world continued to rotate and life went on until the bitter end. It was just Jed and Abbey alone in a dark room when it came. Ironically or not, the end for Jed Bartlet came exactly ten years to the day of Leo's passing. It seemed they were destined to recreate another pattern of many prominent leaders by passing away on the same day, though years apart. Jed and Abbey had expected it wouldn't end well, but she was by his side in sickness and health, for better or worse and she didn't regret one day of the life she shared with Jed Bartlet.

The rest of the merry crew went on with their lives, but they made it a point to get together more often than before. It was hard that first year. They got together for Leo's funeral, CJ's wedding to Danny and Sam's inauguration as governor of California. The following year saw Charlie and Zoey's wedding, a surprise child for CJ and Danny and Will's election to Congress. It wasn't until the next Presidential election that they all had a reason to gather again. Sam was putting together a team that started with Josh Lyman.

"Hey Donna," Josh spoke into his cell phone as he walked up a tree-lined street.

"Hi Josh," she said as she stirred a cup of tea.

"Are you at home now?" he asked.

"Yeah, why?" she asked. Before he answered she heard her doorbell ring and she answered it.

"Pressing business?" she asked.

"How much do you make a year lobbying for the environment?" he asked.

"That's a personal question," she replied.

"How much Donna?"

"$550,000 a year," she said.

"How'd you like to make $700 a week, no holiday pay, work the weekends and get virtually no time off?"

"Sam's running?" she asked excitedly.

"Sam's running," Josh nodded. "And we want you to be Press Secretary."

"What?" Donna asked.

"I'm thinking you in a short skirt, hidden by the podium of course, and the Presidential seal behind you."

"Are you sure?" Donna asked.

"As sure as I am that Andrew Jackson had a big block of cheese in the lobby of his White House," Josh replied.

"Yes," Donna screeched as she threw her arms around his neck. "Yes, yes, yes."

"You know I always had a different vision of how you screaming that word would play out," he said wryly, which got him a playful smack on the shoulder.

"Wait," Donna said. "What about CJ?"

"What about her?"

"I kind of thought she'd come back as Press Secretary."

"Don't worry," Josh grinned. "We've got plans for CJ. You want to come with me to tell her?"

"Sure," Donna said grabbing her coat and following Josh out of the house. "What plans do you have for her?"

"She polls well," Josh smiled.

"You want her to be the First Lady? I think Danny might have a problem with that," Donna teased him.

"No," Josh smiled.

"Communications Director?" Donna guessed.

"Nope," Josh said happily.

"Well you're going to be the Chief of Staff," Donna said. "Is she gonna be Sam's body man?"

"As confident as I am that Sam would love the idea of CJ waiting on him hand and foot, the answer is no."

"Wait a minute," Donna said stopping in her tracks. "There's only one thing left."

"Yep," Josh nodded.

"She's never held an elected office," Donna said.

"But she was the second most visible person in the Bartlet administration, she was the Chief of Staff and she is a woman, giving her, in my opinion, the hat trick," Josh said.

"She'll say no," Donna informed him.

"It's her duty to serve," Josh reminded her.

"She has a child," Donna reminded him.

"Who is in school all day," Josh countered.

"Shouldn't Sam ask her?" Donna asked.

"He's on his way there now," Josh said as he hailed a cab.

"So why are going?" Donna asked as they got into the taxi.

"Backup," Josh smiled.

* * *

Sam Seaborn was sworn in on a sunny January afternoon. He looked up and thanked Leo for supplying the beautiful weather, for only Leo would have the ear of God to arrange for such a pleasant day. Never in a million years did Sam think he would rise to the top of the Democratic Party. All those years at Gage Whitney and he never would have imagined how far he would come. Some people always had that faith in him, but he wasn't one of them. Josh once asked him why he thought the campaign was different from the one he ran for Santos. Sam looked him the eye and told him a story President Bartlet had shared with him. 

"President Bartlet once asked me if I had a best friend," Sam explained to Josh. "I told him it was you. He asked if you were smarter than me. I didn't have to have think very long because you are. He told me that's how I would know my Chief of Staff. That's why it's different this time Josh. Santos wasn't your best friend."

"Thanks Sam," he said almost embarrassed.

As time passed many people would write about similarities between Sam and Jed and Leo and Josh. Both Sam and Josh felt humbled to be mentioned in the same sentence as their great mentors.

CJ Cregg became the first female Vice President of the United States. As shocking as it was for some, CJ had the skills of two different positions in the White House and although she'd never held an elected office the people seemed tas aken with her as they had in the past. The personal relationship between Sam and CJ made for very happy relations between the office of the President and Vice President, which was something of a shock for the group as President Bartlet had never had very good relations with either of his Vice Presidents.

Danny, seeing the conflict of interests in his covering the White House while CJ was Vice President, decided to focus on a novel. _Barlet Being Bartlet_ was the only biography written about Jed Bartlet in which the author had direct contact with the former president. Jed had always thought it would be Danny to write his biography. It just seemed fitting. He'd been there and he'd seen and heard things that made it a more personal account of his life. After the success of his first book Danny decided to stick with novels and he became a best-selling author.

CJ, with no real aspirations to rise above the position of Vice President, resigned after President Seaborn's first term to make room for another contender in the Democratic Party. CJ, Danny and their daughter decided to stay in Washington to be close to their friend, who they considered closer than family, and CJ became a familiar political commentator.

Donna took to the position of Press Secretary like a duck to water and she surprised the reporters with her poise and uncanny ability to dodge undesirable questions. She always said she learned from the best, but CJ knew that Donna had skills that she never quite grasped. She worked closely with Josh, but they didn't fall back into their usual roles. Donna was forceful and vocal when she disagreed with Josh and she gave as good as she got. She became His Girl Friday and the Press Corp teased her when Josh would send her flowers in February to celebrate their anniversary. The question about their relationship always lingered, but in their current roles a relationship was impossible and forbidden.

Josh toiled away as Chief of Staff and he suddenly realized why Leo had not recommended him for the job after his heart attack years earlier. He wasn't ready. He obviously had an idea of the job responsibilities, but the actual execution was exhausting. He was grateful that he was surrounded by his friends on certain days. His friends included Toby, who Sam instructed Josh to keep in the loop. Although he couldn't officially work for the White House after all that had happened he became an important advisor to both Josh and Sam during the presidency.

Most of all, Josh was happy to be working under the same roof as Donna. She amazed him more each day with her ability to keep up and handle the pressures of her job. He didn't think it was possible but he loved her more for it. He eventually told Donna that he loved her. He said it out loud on her fortieth birthday when he bought her skis, goggles, ski polls and new ski jacket. She smiled and kissed him softly on the lips and that was all that was said. In their roles it was a forbidden romance, which it had always seemed to be anyway. It was as if the stars were aligned against them, but, even without words, they knew that they loved each other.

When CJ resigned as Vice President Josh was asked to fill the vacancy. The Democratic Party, once put off by his vigor and stubbornness, was impressed by his ability to lead and coordinate the White House. They had high ambitions for his future in the party. Josh happily accepted and today he's considering a run for president. The Democratic leaders have some reservations about him because he's a single man. If that's there only concern they should be able to put it to rest after tonight. Josh is meeting Donna for dinner and he has a ring in his pocket.

The End.


End file.
